All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
