Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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