Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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