Only a mothe r could love this liver
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
