I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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