I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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