mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
