i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Even my vagina gasped.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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