So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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