3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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