xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
