he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
