I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
