the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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