Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
