i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
