At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
