Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The Olympian is in my bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
