Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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