"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
