I wish I only lived at night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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