how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
