I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
