Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
