wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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