I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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