so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
