THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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