Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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