Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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