you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
