i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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