Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
