Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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