how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
