I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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