The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
