Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
