awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
