Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
