could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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