I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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