i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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