good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
