First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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