my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
