i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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