ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
