I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
