Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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