my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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