So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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